SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't read the Harry Potter series or aren't at the last book and you don't want spoilers do't read this journal entry.
So this entry is my rant about Jily vs Snily and the irrational hate Lily gets. I will be looking at it from Lily's POV. I'm a woman, and I get greatly irritated at the idea that it's about who deserve Lily more than how Lily felt.
No matter where you go in HP sites, there’s almost always people who want to rag on James and Lily, Why? Because Lily (according to them) had the nerve to not fall in love with her former childhood friend, Severus Snape and marry that
Snape and Lily had been best friends for five years. Had this been Snape’s first offence, I do think Lily would have forgiven him, with a lot of begging from him. This wasn’t. Snape was getting involved in dark arts, hanging around aspiring death eaters (who wanted Muggle-borns like Lily wiped off the planet!), and he himself had used the term “Mudblood” for all other Muggle-borns. Still, Lily remained his friend. She tried, for five years, to get him away from that crowd, but he didn’t listen and proceeded to blame James and his friends. He even says “I won’t let you!” to Lily when he tells her James fancies her. Their friendship is becoming strained. So calling her Mudblood is the straw that broke the camels back. When he tries to apologize, it’s too little too late. It’s also not very convincing, he says “I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just—” to which Lily says “Slipped out? But you call everyone of my blood ‘Mudblood, Severus’. Why should I be any different?” Racial insults don’t slip out. You don’t use them if you don’t believe it. Snape did believe it. “But he was humiliated!” cries the Snape apologists. So… he’s hurt and humiliated and he takes it out on his best friend by calling her a racial slur after she defends him? I call BS. There is no reason to use racial slurs. It’s racism. Call a spade a spade (or a slur a slur). I’ve seen a post where Lily apologizes and all is forgiven. No. Just no. The hurt party apologizing to the one who hurt her and taking the blame herself? That’s a red flag for abuse! Lily tells Snape she’s made excuses for him for years and calls him out saying he can’t wait to join the death eaters. He doesn’t answer— which means he doesn’t deny it. She’s right. And at this point on, Snape is Lily’s former friend. Yet Lily is the one in the wrong according to Snapefen. Seriously? She stuck by him for YEARS, and yet when he crosses the line once and for all, she’s a bad person for ending the friendship? Being kind and being a doormat aren’t the same thing. There’s a fine line between being a doormat and being a good friend. I’m a Hufflepuff, so I value loyalty and friendship. I side with Lily, because Snape is the one who violated that trust and friendship. I’m gonna quote something I saw on a tumblr post.
“Imagine if you were a black girl living in the 1960’s in America and your best mate, who happened to be white, started hanging out with a group of rich racist supremacists who openly bullied other black people and who were almost definitely in the KKK. He insists that he didn’t care about all that, and you are different. Then one day, while he was being picked on by some other white kids, you ran to his defence and he said that he didn’t need any help from a dirty nigger like you. You then find out later that he has joined the KKK and has been considering it for a while. What would you do?”
Apologies for the N-word. I hate that word or any racial slur.
If your answer is to end the friendship, walk away from him, and never look back, then congratulations! That is the correct answer. It is the sensible answer. It is the only answer anyone with any dignity or self-respect should give! If you say “I’ll forgive him, I know he didn’t mean it, he’s my friend” then we need to talk. This supposed friend is putting you in danger. Again, RED FLAG OF ABUSE!! It’s the same thing with Snape and Lily. Snape does join the death eaters. Lily was right to walk away. When a friendship turns toxic, it's time to end it.
I'm mildly special needs, but I've been call a retard before, and to this day I can't stand people using it to mean stupid. If I was in Lily's position, and the person who I just defended said said he didn't need help from "a retard like her", if that person was also hanging around a group who wanted to wipe out people with disabilities, called everyone with disabilities a retard but me, then called me that, I'd dump that person as a friend in a second! Heck, I've cut people from my friends list on Facebook for being racist!
Which brings us to James Potter. I won’t for a minute defend his behaviour. It’s bullying. We’ve all been bullied. He was arrogant, he wasn’t very nice. He acted like a typical, spoiled teenager. He also saved Snape’s life from a prank, putting his own life at stake. James grew up, though. We know he did because Lily dated him and married him, which she wouldn’t have done if he hadn’t. He became Head Boy. Even before that, he wasn’t really a bad person. He befriended a werewolf, which most people shunned. He even became an animagus to make it easier for Remus. Sirius says James “deflated his head a bit” in seventh year and that’s when Lily goes out with him. It’s not just to teach Snape a lesson (though that’s what he thought I’m sure) it’s been two years. Lily saw James had matured, she gave him a chance. She liked what she saw, and the two fell deeply in love and married. They had Harry and died protecting him. Their love story is one of growth and sacrifice.
James did not steal Lily from Snape! They were never together and Lily’s not an object that can be stolen. Lily did not friendzone him. They weren’t friends any more. The implications behind friendzone make me cringe! Seriously, a woman can't be friends with a guy without being expected to be something more? If friendship isn't good enough and a guy feels wronged because the girl doesn't return his feelings, then he needs to get over himself.
What really grinds my gears is the condemnation from James comes from one chapter! Yet those same people who condemn James defend Snape and excuse six books of bullying and abusive behaviour. And to say Snape deserves Lily more than James? No, he didn’t. It’s not about deserving someone, love is about love. Lily loved Snape as a friend. However, any chance he may had was irreparably ruined when he called her Mudblood. Lily should have ended that friendship long before, but she was blind because they were friends as children. James was willing to change for the better, and he did. Even at his worst, he’s still better than Snape. At his worst, James is an arrogant teenage bully. Snape at his worst was a death eater. Biogtry is worse than schoolyard bullying (which I don’t defend at all). Teenage bullies usually grow up and grow out of it. Racism isn’t so easily grown out of.
James and Lily had true love. James was a rich pureblood, he could have any girl he wanted, but he chose Lily. Lily could have had any man she wanted, but she chose James. Why? Because he loved her for who she was and she loved him for who he was. That’s all that matters. Lily’s not a prize, she’s a person. She chose a healthy, and loving relationship.
As for me, I want someone to like James loved Lily. Or like Ron loves Hermione or like Harry loves Ginny. I’m uncomfortable with how Snape is fawned over and how his love for Lily is viewed as romantic and beautiful. Snape’s love for Lily was possessive. He didn’t care about her family as love as she got to live. Dumbledore was right to call him on this. I see people saying “I want someone to love me like Snape loved Lily”. Think about it. Do you really? Take off the Snapefen glasses and re read. Snape is a fascinating character, and as a character, I love him. As a person? I don't like him. JKR herself said Snape was "a deeply horrible person". That's WHY he's so compelling. To woobiefy him is to erase that. And personally, I think Snape would hate it.